This time out your Favorite Catgirl Movie Reviewer is off to Korea for another slice of atmospheric Asian flavored horror, “Yoga”. Creepy goings on in an evil ashram, where the quest for physical perfection takes a terrible, terrible wrong turn are the theme of the day. Seems we’re in for another look at the problems of  Asian women and their self-image issues with the customary horror twist that the Koreans love to add.

The synopsis goes like this: “Successful at her job until she was out shined by a younger, prettier co-worker, a confident and perfectionist career woman, Hyo-jung, visits a strange yoga institute run by a mysterious ex-actress at the advice of a radically transformed school friend. There, Hyo-jung meets several other women like herself, a former popular singer who faded away into obscurity, a religious fanatic, a girl battling weight issues, and a woman beset by numerous personal misfortunes including a divorce and a failed plastic surgery procedure. All of them have something in common: a belief that somehow beauty will help them overcome the difficulties they face. At the beginning of the intensive training course, a young yoga master, Nani explains to Hyo-jung and the others that only the one person who masters the course most successfully can actually win the secret of ultimate and immortal beauty. There are five unusual rules for them to follow during the one week course:

#1. Never eat without permission.

#2. Never take showers within an hour before or after the class.

#3. Never look at themselves in a mirror.

#4. Never leave the school building.

#5. Never try to call or contact anyone until finishing the course.

As the training goes on, they soon discover that the quest for beauty, has a terrible price.Each of the girls get tempted to break those rules caused by each woman’s secret hidden craving and Hyo-jung starts to sense there is something evil about this institute and the actress who doesn’t get old…”

Neko wonders what exactly there is in the Asian psyche that makes such horror films so prevalent of late. But… no matter. I just plain like watching them as I squirm uncomfortably on the couch. Naturally, you all want to know what this one is exactly all about, so let’s get to it….

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Well… it’s finally out! “Bitch Slap” is here at last…. Your Favorite Catgirl Princess has been awaiting this one for such a looonnng time I had begun to think it would never reach DVD. Sometimes that’s a bad thing…. usually telling one that a film was just sooooo darn bad it would never have made back it’s money in a Theatrical release. Then there a few of those fun lil’ gems that have such a niche audience that Direct-to-DVD is just the way to go. Hopefully this is such a film….

Synopsis? Do we really need one? No, not really, but here it goes… “Three sexy “Bad Girls” travel to a remote desert hideaway to steal $200 million in diamonds from a ruthless underworld kingpin and things quickly spiral out of their control. Allegiances get switched, truths get revealed, criminals are unmasked and nothing (or nobody) is quite what it seems as the fate of the world is precariously balanced upon the fates of this trio of sexy femme fatales.”

Made by two of the people involved with the wacky and  super silly “Hercules” and “Xena, Warrior Princess” TV shows (as well as many of the same cast and crew), this one looked to be a fun little slice of naughty fun just the way Neko likes them. Not only that…. but it let me tell my sweet Carolyn that I finally had an honest to goodness English dialog movie for us to watch together…. (However, I might just have neglected to tell her the title….. Thank goodness she loves me… Hehehehe!!)

I’m expecting some gratuitous violence… some over-the-top bad girl combat… crazy villains that seriously need to be slapped, and all the exploitation goodies that can be crammed into a single movie. Will I get my wish?

Guess we’ll all have to “Read On” to find out…..

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It’s been a while since I’ve seen one, but here we are again with another lil’ horror goodie from the Philippines, “Tarot”. Fortune telling…. ghosts…. weird doomsday cults… evil curses… and romance, sigh. Yep, certainly sounds like a “Nekolishous” film alright.

Our Synopsis? “As a young child Cara has the habit of observing her grandmother, Lola Auring (Gloria Romero) at work. She is a tarot reader by profession, and her granddaughter slowly develops her talent and accurately predicted the eruption of Mount Pinatubo in 1991 and the death of two of her family members; her father and grandmother. Cara’s psychic ability seems to bring bad luck to her family rather than good luck.

Concerned with her natural ability to predict future events, Cara’s mother (Susan Africa) forbids her to read tarot cards, and the cards are laid to rest with her grandmother inside the coffin. Many years later the adult Cara (Marian Rivera) has to reopen her grandmother’s coffin to seek the tarot cards’ help to locate her missing fiancé, Miguel (Dennis Trillo) when both were separated while hiking in the forest.

She eventually finds him, but mysterious deaths start to affect people around her. Cara soon learns that it was related to the curse on her grandmother during her youth days, where she was part of a cult that worshiped tarot cards. Other members committed suicide and Auring decided not to join them, and the curse spreads to his family members including Cara herself. Now Cara must find a way to stop this curse before more people becomes the victim…”

Mmmmmm. I’ve a really good feelin’ about this one, but you know as much as I do that sometimes your Favorite Catgirl gets her hopes up too quickly for these. Still…. can’t hurt to take a peek, right? Let’s all snuggle down and I’ll tell you all how this one stacked up. By all means, gentle visitor, “Read On”!!

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Another nostalgia filled trip back to the days of your Favorite Catgirl’s misspent youth and the Saturday morning movies that warped my lil’ mind, gives us a look this time out at 1953’s utterly “craptastic” “Robot Monster”.

Even if you haven’t seen this one you probably know it…. it’s that one with an alien gorilla/ robot wearing a space helmet with TV rabbit ears on top. Yep… that silly alien!!

Our synopsis? Well this one goes sorta like this: “While on an afternoon picnic excursion with his mother and two sisters, a young boy named Johnny meets a pair of archeologists who are recording the primitive paintings a nearby cave.

After having a rather nasty fall, he is knocked unconscious and has a weird dream in which the Earth has been totally conquered and most of humanity killed by a freaky alien “gorilla-bot” called the Ro-Man, using the deadly “calcinator death ray”. Apparently he and his family and the two scientists are the only survivors thanks to a secret inoculation serum. They try to survive and avoid capture and horrible death at the hands of Ro-Man, who, despite his alien origins, falls for Johnny’s sexy scientist sister Alice. Will humanity somehow defeat the unfathomably unstoppable Ro-man in his clumsy monkey suit and space helmet, or are we all…. doomed?”

Hehehe!! This one completely redefines the idea of low budget film making and the very idea that the ludicrous alien Ro-man is still so well known while many other characters, better imagined and better realized, have faded from memory, speaks volumes about it’s charm. Little Miyuki was never fooled by Ro-man…. but boy, did she ever eat this one up as a wee  impressionable girl. Certainly it’s a guilty pleasure for many of you gentle visitors as well…. so let’s all get nostalgic together and take another look at this unabashedly “craptacular” 50’s classic!!

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I know It’s been some time since this one came out, and naturally being the swordplay junkie I am, Neko watched it right away when I was lucky enough to grab the subtitled Malay release….

Recently though, the Region 1 Funimation release came along and, as expected, had an English dubbed audio track on board for the US audience that dreads foreign language films or subtitles. Since Carolyn hadn’t watched this one yet…. and because I wanted to surprise her with one of my goofy swordplay films…. “Gasp!! ….In English!!” , it wasn’t hard to talk myself into picking up a copy of it for us to share one evening. On the plus side… it gives your Favorite Catgirl Movie Reviewer the chance to do a comparison of both DVD’s all in one simple lil’ review.

Synopsis? Well it goes like this: “Blind and beautiful traveling entertainer Ichi (played by Ayase Haruka) has been wandering the country searching for her teacher, a blind masseur who taught her the way of the sword when she was a child. She reluctantly gains a traveling companion when kind-hearted samurai Toma (played by Osawa Takao) tries to save her from a group of thugs, and ends up needing to being saved himself.

After Ichi dispels the thugs with a flash of the lethal sword hidden in her walking stick, the two enter a village being terrorized by a gang led by the ruthless Banki (played by Nakamura Shido). Though Ichi isn’t interested in fighting, she soon gets pulled into the lethal battle between good and evil.”

I’ve always loved strong female roles in period swordplay films…. just that fierce il’ warrior spirit within me struggling to escape so naturally this one was a “must see”. How well did Funimation, known mostly as a releaser of anime here in the US,  treat this one? Hopefully with the respect such an iconic character deserves…. But enough of this… there’s really only one way to find out, so let’s get to it, shall we? “Read On”!!

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A new week, another day off, and another review!! This time out a quick look at one of the horde of Indonesian horror films currently teetering precariously on top of my “To watch” pile next to the DVD player. I swear…. at the rate new stuff arrives at the apartment, I’ll be buried before long.

Our quick synopsis goes like this: “A young gentleman called Putra (played by Restu Sinaga) marries Amira (played by Indah Kalalo) and would like to give the best honeymoon experience for his wife in his privately owned island. However, strange ghostly incidents are haunting them as a newly wed couple.

From an exotic bedroom to a swimming pool filled with excitement to their romantic bathroom and in every corner of the island, a female ghost dressed in a wedding gown is seeking blood debt from the couple.

A dark secret is waiting to be revealed, changing their romantic night into a scary encounter with the ghost. Who is the ghost and why is she terrorizing them?”

Yep…. this sounds pretty much like your standard Indonesian horror effort. It’s been a while since one really wowed me…. is this one gonna be one of those amazing hidden gems your Favorite Cargirl occasionally encounters? Maybe yes…. maybe no. Am I still gonna watch the goofy thing? Yeah….

Guess you’ll just have to stick with me and see how this one stacks up. (C’mon!!…. it’s not like you don’t wanna!! Neko knows you all too well. Hehehehe!!)

So surrender to your secret needs and “Read On”!!

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Here’s an odd one this time out…. 1977’s Japanese fantasy film, “House”. I’ve been aware of it for over a decade or so, but it’s one of those quirky lil’ films that seemed stubbornly destined to never ever get subtitles or be shown anywhere near my part of the world. Thank goodness that’s now at an end!! UK DVD distributor Eureka has released this one in a new Region 2 NTSC collector’s edition as pert of their “Masters of Cinema” collection. Naturally I wasted no time in snapping up a copy…..

Our synopsis goes like this: “A teenage girl named Angel discovers that her widowed father has recently begun dating again. Worse, Angel’s father has canceled the yearly summer vacation that he and Angel take every year together in order to stay near Ryoko, his new girlfriend, whom he intends on marrying soon. Furious at this situation, Angel invites her friends to come with her to her visit her long lost aunt at her remote country home.

Arriving, they discover Angel’s aunt seems to be sick and wheelchair bound, and they all agree to help fill their time fixing up her run down estate located in the woods. However, unknown to anyone, the aunt is, in reality, a vampiric witch who feeds off the flesh of young virgin girls to sustain her youth and strength. Possessing her niece, the aunt murders the girls one by one with help from her bewitched house. In the end, the aunt takes over Angel’s body so she can continue waiting for her long lost fiancee, who went M.I.A. during World War II, to finally return to her. Will any of them survive the strange horrors and escape alive?”

Wow…. now this one certainly sounds like Neko’s sort of film. I’ve always loved the creepy weirdness of 70’s Japanese ghost stories…. so I’m hoping for something along the lines of “Mansion of the Ghost Cat” or “Kuroneko”. I’ve heard however that this one is…. well… a bit stranger than the Japanese films I’m used to. Will it live up to it’s reputation and still turn out to captivate and entertain me? Guess there’s only one way to find out….

Psssst!! That’s your cue….. it’s time to “Read On”, o’ Gentle Visitors!!

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This time out it’s more tough chicks kicking butt… and you know Neko just loves that! I’ve got the recent remake of the Japanese “Women in Prison” revenge classic “Female Prisoner 701: Scorpion” to review. Meiko Kaji is nowhere to be seen in this one, but thankfully we have the star of “Hard Revenge Milly”, Miki Mizuno to step in for the lead in “Female Prisoner 701: Sasori”.

You all know the story, but here’s a quick synopsis for those of you still woefully ignorant of the legend: “When a band of assassins invade the home of their target Hei Tai they find only his lovely, innocent, bride-to-be, Nami and force upon her a cruel dilemma: either she kills her fiancee’s sister or they kill her fiancee. Trapped, and unable to confide in the person she loves most, Nami kills her fiancee’s sister and is sent to prison where she survives only by becoming as ruthless as those around her. Trained to fight by a fellow inmate, Nami develops the skills and strength to escape and sets out on a quest for revenge. After killing two of the assassins she’s reunited with Hei Tai who’s still unaware she killed his sister. As their love is rekindled Nami decides to abandon her crusade of vengeance when the remaining assassin finds them and tells Hei Tai what Nami did. Nami realizes she can never rest until she finds and defeats the assassins’ employer, but now her beloved’s torn between helping her and his own personal desire for revenge.”

So… will this one equal the classic, or fall miserably on it’s butt? It’s got all the necessary prerequisites to succeed…. Women in prison…. brutal unrelenting violence and torture… a beautiful woman pushed to her extreme and honed into a lethal killing machine…. and, as the poster promises, “Lots of Girl-on Girl violence” all leading our Heroine to a well deserved vengeance by the film’s end. How can it fail? (But… as Neko well knows…. that somehow, some way, they can still mess it all up once in a while… so I’m keepin’ my lil’ paws crossed for luck!!)

Your Favorite Catgirl knows you like these unabashedly exploitative silly films too, so let’s all “Read On” and find out for ourselves!!

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Ever wonder what a movie like “The Bad Seed” crossed with “The Belles of St Trinians” and seasoned with more than a heaping helping of “Psycho” just might be like if it were done with an all Russian cast? Well wonder no more…. From the land of Borsht and Vodka comes “Yulenka: Deadly Lessons”. Neko’s been aware of this one for some time now, but it’s taken me a while to hunt down some decent English subtitles…. until now.

The simple synopsis goes: “Professor Andriy Belov moves to a small town from the capital, and from his university to a woman’s high school, so that his wife can get the treatment and air she needs. After a short time a the school, he begins to notice strange things happening to his students. The students in the fifth class don’t play with dolls, they delight in making a toy of human lives.

One day he finds a note reading ‘Save Us,’ and he begins to take action. As he investigates, his life degenerates into a nightmare, and his only hope is a lone little girl, Yulenka….. or does something evil hide behind her innocent eyes?”

This is another of those odd little films for which your Favorite Catgirl ends up spending her odd hours searching high and low for subtitles when the original DVD lacks them. Sometimes I find them right away… other times it take a while… sometime it takes an excruciatingly looonnggg time. These ones required me to delve into some fairly odd places in the former Soviet Union, but my perseverance has finally paid off, and so now…. with some fairly accurate fan-translated subtitles in hand and a copy of the Region 5 DVD…. “Yulenka” is finally mine!!

Was it worth all my silly efforts (not to mention a fair amount of Bablefish translation of Cyrillic Russian)? Guess you’ll have to “Read On” to find out!!

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After yesterday’s terrible Indonesian horror film your Favorite Catgirl needed something to clean and soothe her lil’ brain and what better than a nice Thai ghost story, eh? Mmmmm… romance, ghosts… and bloody mayhem, now that’s entertainment!!

The synopsis goes as follows: “Three ex-girlfriends, three dates with death

Has she really left you?

Ken (Chakhrit Yamnan from Bangkok Dangerous) is a ravishing young superstar and the dream date of every girl. While he can attract any woman he wants, every detail of his life ends up in gossip columns and tabloid magazines.

Two of his previous girlfriends — high-society girl Meen (Navadee Mokkhavesa) and innocent college student Bow (Atthama Chiwanitchaphan) — have already been exposed by the media. After dumping the pregnant Meen, he is now dating gorgeous young actress Ploy (Wanida Termthanaporn) and their every move makes the headline.

When news leak that Ken will marry Ploy, the media goes into a frenzy and the couple’s dream life turns into a nightmare. It seems that someone is stalking them, day and night. Is it an ex-girlfriend, an obsessed fan or vengeful paparazzi? Ken’s agent, Nimit (Bordin Duke), encourages him to take a break at his beachfront house but the problem only escalates as Ken starts to have visions of a woman and mysterious scratches begin to appear on his body. One by one, the people around Ken start to disappear…”

I just know this one is gonna be good! Wanna find out for sure? Then you’re just gonna need to “Read On” and find out…. silly!!

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